A Conversation Between Me, A Spider, And A Passing Member of Store Staff:
~ Start. ~
{Scene begins; Alice is wiping
down a self serve till as per usual and humming a tune to herself to drown out
the sixty-millionth rerun of the same set of songs on the same CD (also as per
usual). Suddenly a movement just below her hand catches her eye. Looking down,
she sees a small spider working its way carefully along the neon orange plastic
edge. Alice is
pleased: she likes spiders. A conversation ensues…}
ALICE: hi there! (smiles) You’re a pretty little
thing, aren’t you?
SPIDER: …..
ALICE: Tell you what; I’ll leave cleaning the spot you’re
on, and so long as you stay there I’ll pop you outside to safety as soon as the
store opens. *checks watch* That should be in just a few minutes now.
SPIDER: …..
ALICE: Because, you know, this isn’t a good place for a
spider such as yourself to be. Some people are scared of spiders. In fact, some
people actually hate them. You could get stomped on. Or squished by some
careless idiot who hasn’t noticed you, and that’d be just awful. So as soon as
I can I’ll pop you outside, OK?
SPIDER: …..
ALICE: (thoughtfully) Of course, there is the question of
where to put you. Just dumping you on the floor wouldn’t be any good, because you could
still get stomped on…maybe on the outside of the exit window; what d’you think?
You could build a web there.
SPIDER: …..
ALICE: (moving on to next till) Yes, the outside of the exit window; that's where I'll put you...Now, where was I? Ah yes, I just started this till here...I wonder when they’re going
to start putting all those BBQ sets out in the entrance again? I know they’ve
got them in. I best remember to clean all the ledges off today, just in case;
‘cause last year once those damn things were in I couldn’t reach them for love
nor money….And I must remember to mop the manager’s office FIRST today, before
I do the others, ready for when they have that meeting later…Speaking of which,
I hope they haven’t had donuts again; that jam was a bugger to get off…
PASSING MEMBER OF STORE STAFF: (stops, stares, bemused) Um, Alice?
ALICE: (looks up) Mm?
PASSING MEMBER OF STORE STAFF: who are you talking to?
ALICE: (cheerfully) that little spider over there.
PASSING MEMBER OF STORE STAFF: (now more scared than bemused, takes a step back) Spider?
ALICE: Mm. See? He’s just down there.
PASSING MEMBER OF STORE STAFF: Ohhh, right. (cannot see spider as is keeping careful distance, but nods
anyway) But, I don’t…why are you talking to it?
ALICE: Oh, just to pass the time, y’know. Till I can pop
him outside.
PASSING MEMBER OF STORE STAFF: (wide eyed. nods, slowly) Right. Right. Ok, I guess...
{Scene closes with Store Staff Member walking away, shaking his head ruefully. Alice, seeing that the main doors are being
opened, pops spider outside, deposits him on a ledge, thanks him for being a
good listener and then goes back inside and carries on with her work.}
~ End. ~
Oh dear . . . now I feel bad. I would have squished the spider. Twice I've been to the hospital from spider bites. They freak me out.
ReplyDeleteI've read a lot of blogs, but truly your writing deserves a much bigger audience. Are you a professional writer?
Well, in your defense, the spiders that inhabit the rest of the world are rather more dangerous than the ones we get here. If Black Widows and Red Backs and Funnels and such lived in England, I'd probably be singing a different tune. I'd love to handle a tarantula though; just once. But they aren't too dangerous either (or not to humans, at any rate).
ReplyDeleteDid you know that the majority of spider-inflicted deaths nowadays are caused not by bites but by car crashes resulting from people freaking out because of spiders (dangerous or not) dropping unexpectedly down from the mirror or sun visors and so forth? True fact that is true. Or at least it is according to the Weird Facts website.
...No, I'm not a professional writer (bless you!). I just love doing it. Stories, letters, Blog, you name it.
My original Blog had a big fellowship, but it was a sort of mutual-reading-of-each-others-Blogs thing, rather than it was because my-Blog-was-the-most-awesome-of-all-Blogs-ever. It was pretty great to feel popular, but at the same time I felt under a lot of (self inflicted) pressure to be as brilliant and witty and interesting as I could be, all the time. This is nicer on the whole. Or at least it is for now. I won't hate it if over time my kingdom grows in power and I acquire a few worshiping minions. Worshiping minions are a must-have for any self respecting Dominant of the Galaxy.
*evil laugh*
xxx