Just read an article online, titled "5 Things Parents Need To Stop Saying To Non Parents".
It's here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-kinnear/5-things-parents-need-to-stop-saying-to-non-parents_b_3573670.html
It's funny and sort of true in an exaggerated and extreme sort of way (the comments alone are priceless. My word but people are defensive!) but to get to reason of my post; while I have an opinion on all 5 things (which of course at some point I'll share), the first one is the one above all that made me roll my eyes and think
'well, that's crap'.
I disagree with it on two levels.
Disagreement Number One is that non parents and parents don't have anything to talk about other than the parent going on about the child and the non parent awkwardly listening in a bored sort of way, because frankly, in the majority of cases that just isn't true. Sure, the parent will go on and on about the child, of course he/she/they will. This is because he or she is their BABY (no matter how old he or she gets, that doesn't change) and the single most important thing in the parents' lives, and that is as it should be; that is good and natural and totally fine. And no, as a childless person there will be no stories even remotely similar (unless you work in some way with children; teacher, perhaps) to volley back at them. And yes (to be honest); no matter how much we may love the parent and the child, not every last thing about said child will be absolutely fascinating to a childless person, nor in any need of being told about in intricate detail, especially not over and over again. But not only do most parents understand this fact (I know Best Friend 1 does. She was petrified of becoming one of 'those' parents. Which of course she did, because, well, that's what you do. Nobody minds. Or at least I don't), but in any case, in 99% of cases there
will be something else, if you the non parent really cannot stand to hear another "junior did so-and-so" story, that you can talk about. It can be anything. The weather. The hat a nearby person is wearing. Something that happened at work to either parent or childless person. A discussion/debate about religion/politics/environment/any other often inflammatory topic. Old childhood - if you've known one another that long - memories both good or bad. Various moans about significant others/relatives/periods (childed or not; if you have a womb that works even a little bit, ALL women have a moan or two that they can agree on about that one)/work colleagues/anybody or anything that doesn't fit into any of the categories provided. Trust me. THERE WILL BE SOMETHING.
Disagreement Number Two is an actual disagreement that Best Friend 1 and I agree to disagree on (which for us, is rare), because in many ways, actually, it ISN'T 'stupid' to compare dogs to kids, because in many ways, they ARE alike. Identical, absolutely not. There are definite differences that can never be forgotten. BUT, setting the differences aside, there
are other things that you can chalk up to either or of them and not be wrong. Not just the most basic one; that both small children/dogs are dependent on their parents/owners for food - this is a no brainer, of course (is 'brainer' a word, by the way? Spell-Check says "no"...) because unless living wild dogs cannot feed themselves (and even then they would need a pack to function properly), so you have to feed them to help them survive, just as you do with a small child - but some other things, too. Parents may not like it or even agree with it (Best Friend 1 certainly doesn't on either count, though like a good Best Friend she takes it in her stride, just as I take all the "Squidgum did/said/wants/needs/worked out/looked and/or smelled like so-and-so" stories in mine) but there are, nonetheless, direct correlations between the average dog and the average small child (say 0-4).
Here are 16 off the top of my head:
1) they share a similar way of thinking and intelligence level. Sure, SOME children between the ages of zero and four are geniuses that are composing symphonies or such by age three and have done with university by age ten, just as there are dogs that are so smart that the only way they are one upped by anyone of any age is their lack of oposible thumbs or children that for some reason or another never progress past the mental age of one. But on average, on the basis of thought processes and intelligence alone, dogs and your average toddler are identical. They both have the ability to think and work things out and the ability to understand the world around them (albeit in some cases in an inverted or otherwise limited way) and the ability to know exactly what they want or don't want.
2) they are both dependent on us - be it Parent or Adopted Head Of Pack - for not only food, but EVERYTHING. From cleaning up their messes (bodily excretions or otherwise) to providing love and affection and reassurance to providing entertainment and diversion when wanted/or needed to providing adequate health care for ongoing good health or the treatment of ailments or injuries to the providing of shelter that is neither too cold nor too warm to providing company (different from entertainment) to providing the appropriate teachings to discipline behaviour into a manner that is acceptable within society; EVERYTHING. If you do not provide these things, or at least arrange for someone else to provide them if at any point you can't (i.e.; child minder or teacher, or dog sitter/walker or vet) you are a crap Parent or Adopted Head Of Pack. These are not nice little extras (like cool toys or expensive trips or holidays), but essentials.
3) Both are capable of being absolute pains in the arse, whether due to being ill at
really inconvenient times or places (we've all been there) or behaving in an unacceptable way (particularly in public) either through ignorance or pure willful misbehaviour; it happens. Both have the capacity, thanks to their intelligence, to misbehave or manipulate and try your patience just because they can and to hell with the consequences (I'm never going to forget the day that I said to my then one year old dog "Bingo: come! Come on: come!" and he stood there with an insolent expression on his face and a glint in his eye that told me, in no uncertain terms: "
make me"). Both have the capacity, thus, to really really embarrass you and cause you to draw the ire of both relatives and friends or random members of the public.
4) Both have feelings that can be hurt and hearts that can be broken.
5) In the cases of both Parent and Adoptive Head Of Pack, you will at some point at least once (but more than likely over and over again), be the subject of judgement and disapproval by other people because you are not doing whatever it is that you may be doing exactly the way that they did/are doing/thinks you should, or because your child/dog is not doing exactly what their child/dog did/are doing/thinks they would do if they had said dog/child. And in both cases it is equally frustrating, exasperating, upsetting or wearily depressing, or all four of the above when it happens (and if it hasn't yet, trust me, it will).
6) Both children and dogs can see/hear/feel/all three things that we can't and/or don't want to.
7) Both children and dogs love unconditionally.
8) By the same token as 7), both children and dogs tend to be honest to the point of being brutal about everything, towards not just the world in general but towards you. And Adoptive Head Of Packs' take note; just because dogs can't audibly 'speak human', as the saying goes, doesn't mean that they can't in their own way tell you and everybody else exactly what they think, because
they can. They really really
can and they really really
will.
9) Just like kids, dogs will have a Favourite Thing; be it a ball or a cuddly toy or a stick or a random piece of plastic or card or fabric or actually just anything at all, and it will be the most bestest and wonderful thing of all time. They will carry it around everywhere with them that they can or you will let them, they will cuddle and hold it while relaxed and/or sleeping, they will make sure that it is in the same room as them at all times if at all possible and they will become absolutely frantic if for some reason they cannot find it. Over time the Favourite Thing may change (or may not, which in the cases of dogs can cause problems. We're currently on Pig. Number 12 and running out of options. ...Long story...), but the behaviour revolving around it will not.
10) Both child and dog will have some thing that has to happen no matter what that they absolutely hate and/or fear beyond all reason. The possibilities over what it is are endless and the amount of times you have to do it will vary wildly from every day to rarely, but the one thing that they all have in common no matter what is that it is a thing that the child or dog will make your like absolute hell over. Bingo's, for instance, is being groomed. Bathed he dislikes with a passion but once penned in a walk-in shower and unable to escape he submits without a struggle. You go at him with a brush or comb, penned in or not, and he goes balistic. And no, any judgmental people that may be reading this, he has never once been hurt or in any way traumatized by either a brush or a comb in any of his eight and a half years.
11) Both, at least occasionally, have nightmares and wake up screaming.
12) Both will have a Favouite Food that they adore above all others and will do absolutely anything, bar that Thing They Hate and/or Fear Beyond All Reason, to get. Bingo's is cat food. ...Yeah, I know.
13) Both will clamour endlessly for things and your attention and oftentimes give you the feeling immediately after you stop that no matter how much you have given them, it's not quite enough.
14) Both are (rightly) really smug and proud when they manage to do something or figure something out on their own and in both cases it's a really fun (though sometimes frustrating or fraught at the same time) to watch.
15) Both, at least once at some point in their lives, will break your heart, nearly bankrupt you and scare you to death; hopefully (though not definitely) not at the same time.
and last but by no means least;
16) both dogs and kids will get absolutely disgustingly filthy at the time when you are able to deal with it least.
So there you go. 16 ways that yes; like it or not, I really actually CAN compare my dog to your kid.
From what I've read and seen though, exaggerated articles or biased studies or describers apart, it really DOES seem to offend some parents. Not just cause them to think that you are ignorant or ill-informed and set it aside and/or tolerate it (as Best Friend 1 does with me) but actually really indignantly offends them so badly that they get angry about it and in extreme cases actually end the friendship or acquaintanceship over it.
Why??
Until Best Friend 1 had Squidgum I didn't consider why, really - not that I was ever in a situation or a position to say to a parent that "hey; Bingo does that exact same thing" or "I know what you mean, Bingo is really smart, too" etc. etc. before that time - but now I have - and am in such a position and situation - the only thing I can think of to explain it is that deep down, (even if they deny it on a conscious. ....Which incidentally, Best Friend 1 doesn't*...), they believe all animals to be inferior to humans and therefore any comparison made between said animals and their child, who of course to them is absolutely astounding and above average (even if said child as in most cases, in actual fact isn't, not really) is seen as an outrageous insult that needs to be corrected and if not avenged.
=shrugs=
That's all I've got by way of an explanation, anyway.
Got to go. There will be more on the subject of childed verses non-childed (as it relates to me) another time, though.
....Bet you're really looking forward to that, aren't you?
Alice
x
* I would like to point out in case anyone reading should get the wrong impression, that Best Friend 1 does not hate animals. She loves them, particularly dogs (though due to financial and spacial constraints she does not currently have one), and does not in any way wish harm or ill-treatment upon them. She does not, however, believe them to be equal to humans on either a practical, intellectual (if that is the appropriate word?), spiritual or moral level. She believes them, in short, to be important, but not quite as important as humans. Whether right or wrong, those are her views, and I respect them, as she respects mine.
