{Warning. Not All That Much Sense Ahead}
* My brother keeps having meltdowns.
Some were large, two of them prompting police interference (though thankfully no arrests were made). The last big one unearthed the fact that he wasn't taking his medication, and hadn't been for a while.
.....Yeah. Schizophrenic; highly intelligent and arrogant, with a persecution complex, and no medication to even out the serious chemical kinks in his brain. Not good.....
The latest one (small, by comparison) came to a head a few minutes ago. He is all calm now. Mother and I, after numerous text messages, are not. She is going to fetch him now to bring him here; to give him time away from The Hotel (my nickname for the 'emergency council funded accomodation' dump that he lives and works in).
.....What I feel right now is that both of us need a break from him.....
* I am half way through a week's holiday (8 days, really, as I have Sundays off). My body is very much liking the 7-AM starts (as apposed to 4:45-AM) much better. I am enjoying it immensely.
It is not going to like it when work starts up again.
Not at all.
* Speaking of my body; Operation Get Alice Healthier (which began mid-way through January) is progressing well.
Or at least I feel it is. Others may disagree.
Step 1: to stop binging on voluminous amounts of high calorie crap, is complete. Apart from one blip - when drunk m'lud; aggravating circumstances, surely - over the past four to five weeks I appear to have curbed it. I still have sweet treats, but that is all they are; treats.
Which is very good.
My portion sizes, however, are gargantuan. Much bigger than I need. This is what Step 2 hopes to address; to decrease the amount I eat as a whole.
I intend to do it gradually. Bit by bit.
The first target is supper.
One sandwich (two slices of bread plus filling) instead of two (four slices of bread plus filling) is the first goal. And no crackers (especially not SIX to EIGHT of them). And only one itty-bitty mousse pot (well, they seem 'itty-bitty' to me. Apparently to the rest of the world they are 'average'). That is the objective in this mission.
....Yeah. I'm greedy. Very.
But I am working on it, and that is what counts.
Right?
Right.
* Operation Alice Will Actually FINISH One Of Her Stories is progressing too.
I'm not sure that I can say it is progressing 'well', however.
I mean, I am working on it, and it is growing, word by word and sentence by sentence, but...it isn't going as I had expected it would. I had it all mapped out, you see, in my head. But what I am typing isn't what was there. Some bits of it are recognisable, but the rest of it has morphed into something else entirely. Maybe that's good or maybe it isn't; I have no idea. What I do know is that it isn't what I had planned it to be and it isn't going where I had expected it to and that bothers me. It is becoming complicated and the premise was simple. The characters are developing, becoming deeper than I had intended them to be. And one character shouldn't be here at all; he just showed up out of nowhere and refused to leave. I'd already banished one intruder; a girl proclaiming to be the main character's cousin. Then this one showed up proclaiming that he was in fact said character's cousin, and unlike the wimp of a girl that had preceded him, he wasn't going anywhere thank-you-very-much.
.....Don't you hate it when that happens?
Anyway, I had two choices. To doggedly try and keep plugging away at the story I had originally had in my mind, or to give in and just run with whatever it is the warped and crazily zig-zagging cavern that can be called my imagination is trying to push me toward.
I opted with the latter, mostly to preserve what can be said to be my mind. Fighting against my imagination is a battle that I have lost before. For years I would start running with an idea for a story; indeed the entire thing will have played itself out in my head and all it would have needed was to be written down. And then soon after beginning my imagination would find another idea, another story mapping itself out. And then it would start screaming at me; poking and prodding and yelling at me until I gave in, abandoned what I was working on to start the new story, upon which my imagination would dredge up yet another idea.....and so on and so forth. And at the same time, irritatingly, all the other stories I had already started would take turns to prod me as well (seemingly just because they can).
That was my problem, and it was going to be a hard one to overcome, I knew that. But in order to be able to finish something (.....and OK, also, I'll admit it; to win a bet.....), I decided that I was going to beat it, to ignore my imagination enough that I would be able to make my way through a story from beginning to end. And it has been hard, very hard, so far, as I had expected. Hard enough that I don't have the energy to fight anything else; hard enough that I am too tired and weak to throw myself into another battle.
One battle, sure. Two? At once? Nuh-uh. =shakes head= Nope.
So, my imagination has won this one. I will let it drag me to wherever it wants to; to take the story to wherever it wants to. Fine. We'll see how it ends up. Maybe it will be for the best. Maybe I will produce a masterpiece (or at least something half way good). Or maybe it will be an utter disaster.
Who knows? Certainly not me.
All I know for certain is that I am not stopping. Word by word, sentence by sentence, paragraph by paragraph, I am getting this thing done, and within twelve months.
I have a £1 bet riding on it, after all.
The stakes are high...
* I am drinking far too much Pepsi-Max.
* The cat has decided to tag-team us to get more food.
It has taken us nigh on two weeks to communicate with one another and figure this out.
I am not sure if that makes her clever, or us stupid.
Or both?
Probably both, right?
* To make sure I take regular sanity keeping breaks from The Story, I have a Mythbusters episode loaded at all times.
Today's chosen are the two Pirate Specials.
They are very good.
* .....
I have run out of thoughts.
I know I had more, but they are gone; disappeared as though they had never been.
.....My brain is mocking me.....
Alice x
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