Pray, Forgive This Break In Transmission:

My Brother has moved in with us (I am assured, temporarily). 

It may be a while before I feel like (or am able to) either write, or Blog again. 

That is all.

=bows, meanders away in a stupefied fashion=

Alice x

Two Questions That I Already Know The Answer To, But Keep Asking Myself Anyway.

~~~

1) How do you help someone when - for whatever crazy, twisted reason - they don't want to be helped?

2) How do you mend the broken heart of a mother when that self same person self destructs, piece by piece?

~~~

I know the answer.
     I do.
     But my mind can't accept it. Doesn't want to accept it.
     It keeps trying to find a new answer. A better one. One that can fix it.

I desperately want, need, to fix it.

But I can't.
     I can't fix it. I can't fix him. I can't fix her. I can't fix them.

...I am so bloody tired...

Alice x

Well, At Least He Thinks My Life Has More Excitement In It Than It Actually Has, I Guess...

{Disclaimer: As I am exhausted (and a little drunk) some parts of the following post have been copied'n'pasted for your enjoyment, so font may be a little wonky.}

{...Also, please ignore the switch(es) between past and present tense. I have no idea. That was simply how I apparently decided to write it.}

~~~

As I just explained to Best Friend 3 via Google Instant Message; I think I may have implied to the window cleaner that I have an active sex life.

He turned up to finish the windows he had apparently started earlier (they looked unusually clean on the outside. I thought it must have been the rain storm).
     Anyway, here I am in my makeshift pj's; no socks, no shoes, and more importantly, no bra - you remember my boobs? even as fat as the rest of me has gotten, when I go bra-less, it shows - and I sleepily open the door to the elements to give him his money, THEN remember that I am in my pj's and have no socks, shoes or bra.
     So! I do the first thing that I think of, which is clutch my arms over my scantily clad chest, apologize that I won't be offering him a beverage as I usually do because I am "indisposed"; and hand him his money.

     He in turn goes wide eyed, looks me up and down and stammers; ,,,oh! right! yeah! sorry! thanks! right!" before taking the money and concentrating hard on the window pane he is currently rubbing.

     I thank him, and shut the door.

     And that is that.

.....It took a full five minutes for me to realize what he may have thought I meant.

Oops.

The End.

~~~

Ah well.

     =shrugs=

Alice x

Today...

...as well as the usual round of work and dog walking, I also did the following:

* made a child cry by smiling at them
     ~ go me.

* fell over the dog
     ~ ouch.

* lied to a telemarketer
     ~  this is something I do regularly. I know it is mean. I know they have a job to do and that they are only doing it to pay the bills, just like everyone else (including me). I also knew that the man that rang today was asking for me - they always are. I really, really, really wish I hadn't been stupid enough to feel sorry for one of those phone survey people and then agreeing to answer a hellishly long list of seemingly innocuous questions... - but thankfully they always manage to butcher my name, so I simply smile into the phone and say "oh, nobody by that name here, sorry!" or something of that ilk.

* vacuumed
     ~ turns out that under all that dust, a house lives.

* wiped the bathroom
     ~ some parts of it are white. ...who knew?

* written half a sentence of The Story
     ~ but those 6 words are brilliantly clever and integral to the plot. Yup =nods=.

* recalled and typed up the cleaning rota that the two full time cleaners - are supposed to - follow ready for when Supervisor The Second* does her very first solo shift on Monday morning
     ~ go me again. I be stylin'.

* watched an episode of Q.I.
     ~ I am up to series 'J'.

* purchased a yellow carnation
     ~ ooh, mysterious! "Why, Alice?" I hear you cry; "What for...??"

*  trod on the dog
     ~ separate incident from the falling.

* scolded the cat.
     ~ she has a litter tray. She knows where it is, and uses it. It's cleaned regularly. Why does she choose to deposit little smelly landmines in our bathroom, for crying out loud? And why right next to her water bowl?

* rescued a tiny spider from an untimely bleachy death in the toilet bowl
     ~ go me a third time.

* checked to see if today's lottery prize draw has been taken yet so that The Grandmama could see if her birthday Lottery ticket had made her a millionaire
     ~ it hadn't, so we still have no clue.


.....and that was my day.

Exciting, no?

Alice x

* Supervisor The First has escaped, temporarily, to have a baby. She is due back April 2016.

You Know -

- that it has been a successful dog walk when you have extended no more effort than languidly meandering around for 45 minutes, but the dog has had so much exercise that his tongue appears twice its natural length and he is panting like an asthmatic Darth Vader on speed.

Yup.
     =nods=

You also know that when one opts to walk on fields overgrown with grasses and pretty weeds in flimsy cork bottomed sandals that the law of averages dictates that sooner or later one is going to step on a plant that has either spikes or stingers (or both), and that when this finally happens, it is going to hurt.

Yup.
     =nods=

.....or at least, you WOULD know that, if you had a fraction of an ounce of sense.
     Which, of course, I have.

Yup. I have lots of sense.
     Yup.

=.....nods, then hobbles off in search of some warm water to soak her foot in.....=

Alice x

Is It Terribly Obvious That I Am In A Very Bad Mood?

Dear Gruntnubbler*;

Thank you SO MUCH for putting the cherry on top of my already crappy day by casually and thoughtlessly throwing your lit cigarette behind you as you prepared to enter the shopping centre myself and my brother happened to be (quietly and innocently) walking past at the time.
     Really.
     It made my day fully complete to so narrowly avoid the possibility of being burned, along the certainty of getting ash all over me.

The reason, in case you were wondering, that I shrieked an enraged "HEY!?" in your wake, (causing you to turn around with a miffed/surprised look on your face and say "what?") is three fold:

1) I was already having a bad day (and thus my patience was worn very thin)
2) littering is both uncivilized and wrong
3) It was a bloody LIT CIGARETTE, you moron! LIT!

Yours,
     The girl who hours later is still mightily pissed off by your thoughtless behaviour.

* a supposedly Shakespearean insult (now disproved) that I (still) find utterly brilliant.