Thanks, Mom.

~.START.~

Scene is set; Alice is sat in her seat during a rehearsal. The rehearsal gives way to an interval, as per usual, at 8:45-PM. Quiet is called for so that announcements can be made, and the chatter calms down into silence. This is the moment when Alice bends down to pick up her water bottle, and is also the moment that Alice's body chooses to let out the biggest and loudest fart that that church hall has ever seen. Cue, Alice jerking upright, with colour flushing her face. The other choristers do the good old British thing and pretend that nothing happened at all, and after a further moment of - now excruciating - silence, the announcements commence. Alice takes advantage of this to slip unobtrusively out of the hall and down the stairs towards the toilets. Once safely inside, she takes a few deep breaths, fans her burning face and fetches out her mobile phone. She needs sympathy. Somebody to say something along the lines of ..."oh, poor you, never mind, could happen to anybody, and it'll be forgotten next week"... something like that. So, she starts typing a text message...

ALICE: Oh God, oh God, I just broke wind really loudly, and it was really quiet and everybody heard it!

MOTHER: Blimey. I'll have to pretend I don't know you.

ALICE: (typing crossly) Hey! You'd deny your own daughter due to a fart?

MOTHER: Yep. Without hesitation.

ALICE: You cow! I reached out to you, my MOTHER, in a time of great embarrassment. I was expecting sympathy, and you say that!

MOTHER: Look, in times of trouble, generally I dispense hugs. But trump in public, dear, and you're on your own.

ALICE: Thanks, Mom.

MOTHER: Any time. See you at supper.

ALICE: (mutters aloud) ...bitch... 

~.END.~  

B.C.B.F.L.B x