Conversations Between Choir Members

Scene is set; a seething throng of choristers from various organizations are amassed in the room known as the 'Corn Exchange' within Kidderminster Town Hall. Kidderminster Choral Society members are grouped together in a far corner, as directed, awaiting the arrival of their Conductor and chatting among themselves. During these few minutes some of the ladies of the group take the chance, also, to make last minute adjustments to the pink sash that they are wearing, as usual, pinned over their left shoulders. As usual, muttered grumblings are heard withal...


CONVERSATION 1:

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~.START.~

CHOIR MEMBER 1: (exasperated) oh, bother it! Can you help me, please? I can't get the blessed broach to hold in place!
CHOIR MEMBER 2: (kindly) here you are...hold still, now...there! All done.
CHOIR MEMBER 1: (gratefully) thank you!
CHOIR MEMBER 3: (bemused) sorry, but this is my first concert. I was wondering, do we always have to wear it like this?
CHOIR MEMBER 2: (glum) yup.
CHOIR MEMBER 3: (bemused) but why? Surely it would be better to wear it around the neck, rather than slung over one shoulder...?
CHOIR MEMBER 2: (spreads hands) it was decided by the committee that this looked best. There were complaints, so it was voted on in the AGM, and it was voted to stay the same, so...
CHOIR MEMBER 4: (interjecting) yes, it was because when we used to wear it the other way we ended up with all different lengths. It did look pretty scruffy. So it was decided that we should wear it this way, to make it neater.
CHOIR MEMBER 3: (doubtful) oh.

Scene ends; with Choir Member 1 crying out with dismay as her broach breaks, clattering to the floor.

~.END.~

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CONVERSATION 2:

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~.START.~

VISITING CHOIR MEMBER FROM GERMANY: (irritated) ...what madness is this? I cannot...! Why must we wear it like this? I do not like it at all. It is not comfortable. It is not right.
B.C.B.F.L.B: (soothingly) here, let me help you... There. Perfect. That's a wonderful broach, by the way; very pretty.
VISITING CHOIR MEMBER FROM GERMANY: (gracious but not mollified) thank you. Yours is nice, also. It is a gift from my husband, this. I love butterflies, all butterflies. See here, I have another pinned there. But I cannot wear the ribbon like this, it is awful. Round the neck, that is how it should be. Look, like this ...(she demonstrates)... pinned so. Better, yes?
B.C.B.F.L.B: (delicately) that does look nice, but you see, it has been decided that we must wear it over our shoulders, like mine, see? That way we all look the same.
VISITING CHOIR MEMBER FROM GERMANY: (getting worked up). But they are not the same at all! Look there, that woman, her ribbon is wide, yours is thinner. And that lady, her broach is high, another, it is low! It is a mess! And it is not comfortable! How is this good?
CHOIR MEMBER 5: (hearing the commotion) oh, hello VisitingChoirMemberFromGermany, I didn't know you'd arrived yet! What lovely broaches you have! But my dear, you can't have your sash like that. Look, it needs to be over your shoulder, see? Like mine. Here, let me help you...
VISITING CHOIR MEMBER FROM GERMANY: (stubbornly) I am quite alright, thank you. I shall have it like this.
CHOIR MEMBER 5: (patiently) now, now. Listen, you don't want to stand out, do you?
VISITING CHOIR MEMBER FROM GERMANY: (stubbornly) I do not mind. I like it like this. The other way is not nice. I do not like it.
CHOIR MEMBER 5: (exchanging a helpless glance with B.C.B.F.L.B) but you see, dear, it's been decided that we need to wear it like this...

Scene ends; with B.C.B.F.L.B wandering away, leaving the two of them to it.

~.END.~

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CONVERSATION 3:

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~.START.~

CHOIR MEMBER 1: (warning) oh, B.C.B.F.L.B, careful, your broach has come undone.
B.C.B.F.L.B: (grabbing it just in time) thank you! Bloody thing. That's twice now I'd thought I'd pinned it properly...there! I think, anyway. Oh, ChoirMember6, that's such a good idea! You've secured yours at the back, haven't you?
CHOIR MEMBER 6: (pleased) yep! I got my husband to do it underneath out of sight. It saves it flapping about.
B.C.B.F.L.B: (admiring) brilliant! I wish I'd thought of it; it seems obvious now. I'll do that next time. D'you know, no matter where I put my broach, I cannot get this damn thing to stay in place. Almost every time I move, it flips its way to the front.
CHOIR MEMBER 2: (nodding wisely) it's your bust. ChoirMember7 has the same problem, don't you?
CHOIR MEMBER 7: (rueful) not half! I'm thinking of sewing the darn thing in place for next time...Case in point, B.C.B.F.L.B; you've flipped already.
B.C.B.F.L.B: (exasperated) oh, damn it! VisitingChoirMemberFromGermany is right; it's just impossible! I hate this thing!
CHOIR MEMBER 2: (gesturing in the woman's direction, amused) she's still arguing it out, now, look; with the one of the heads of the committee, this time.
B.C,.B.F.L.B: (firm) well, she's right. I know that when this was voted on AGM it was decided to keep the sash as it is, and I'll accept and go along with that, alright: democracy and sop forth. BUT, that doesn't mean it isn't wrong. I know they wanted us to look the same, but lets face it, we don't! The sashes are all different widths, pinned by different broaches in different positions in different ways. VisitingChoirMemberFromGermany is spot on: it's a mess.
CHOIR MEMBER 8: (interjecting, smugly) oh, but the sashes look wonderful like this, don't you think? Swooped grandly over the shoulder as if in a single, defining gesture of our womanhood! It's elegant! It's sleek! It's feminine! It's -
B.C.B.F.L.B: (interrupting, irritated) - it's bloody irritating, is what it is!
ALL CHOIR MEMBERS IN EAR SHOT: ...(stifling laughter)...

Scene ends; with Choir Member 8 tossing her head and haughtily moving away. Other Choir Members exchange smiles, and then turn their attention to the Conductor, who has just arrived.

~.END.~

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B.C.B.F.L.B x