Last night, I found that an e-mail had been sent by the Healthy Minds folk: my counselling sessions have come through at last, as of Tuesday 13th March. The first appointment is set for 13:00.
Crap!
I have no idea what to do, what to say.
At the time of applying, my feelings were clear, albeit it in a muddled sort of way. Now, I am not feeling that way. Now, I am feeling the way I was feeling before the feelings; before the confusion. Now I am feeling as I felt when my heart and mind were being swallowed up by things happening, too involved with coping to feel any other way than how I used to feel. Determined, focussed, a little numb, occasionally overwhelmed...my attention is back to being centred on others rather than myself.
So...what do I do?
I know the problems are still there, below the surface, but right now...I don’t know if I can access them. So...right now, do I need counselling?
If I cancel, I will be removed from the list and possibly shan’t be able to reapply, but, should I cancel anyway? Would I be wasting people’s time if I didn’t?
What if I go, and then can't think of anything to say?
Those were my thoughts as of 4am this morning, anyhow.
Make of them what you will.
B.C.B.F.L.B x
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