NOW, something has happened to my left eye!
It's puffy, painful, enflamed, watering; the works. Allergies? Possibly. Infection? Unfortunately, equally possible. Only time will tell. Either way, it's terribly uncomfortable, I can tell you (and I doubt I look particularly pretty, either).
=SIGHS=
...I'm not having a very good week at all...
B.C.B.F.L.B x
Sunday, 7 May 2017
Saturday, 6 May 2017
The Good, The Bad, And The Frustrating.
*****
THE GOOD:
After his initial examination by a Veterinary Nurse, Bingo's prognosis has improved after a second examination by a Vet.
It's not his legs (caused by arthritis, which is unfix-able), but his back.
He has injured his back.
He is now on painkillers to ease the inflammation. The Vet is certain that once the correct level of pain relief has been found (he's been started on the lowest dose), he will revert to normal.
This is great, and we are thrilled.
(Bingo is especially thrilled, as he is now getting three slices of ham a day.)
It's not his legs (caused by arthritis, which is unfix-able), but his back.
He has injured his back.
He is now on painkillers to ease the inflammation. The Vet is certain that once the correct level of pain relief has been found (he's been started on the lowest dose), he will revert to normal.
This is great, and we are thrilled.
(Bingo is especially thrilled, as he is now getting three slices of ham a day.)
THE BAD:
1. I broke the mopping machine by slipping with the hose and giving Petal's control board a brief but apparently incredibly thorough soaking. A new control board has had to be ordered, which is both very expensive and will also take several days to arrive. Meantime, we have the Manager of The Store going insane because The Store is being visited by multiple Big-Wigs over the next few weeks and despite mopping all three large drags manually (and boy, that was hard), the floor isn't looking very good.
2. I caught a stomach bug on Thursday which left me at home feeling sorry for myself. In practical terms, that means 4 hours worth of lost wages, and a day that I should have attended college but didn't.
3. On the same day that Petal bit the dust, a couple stood behind me on the escalator leading to the Swan Centre decided to spend the trip hurling insults at my back.
2. I caught a stomach bug on Thursday which left me at home feeling sorry for myself. In practical terms, that means 4 hours worth of lost wages, and a day that I should have attended college but didn't.
3. On the same day that Petal bit the dust, a couple stood behind me on the escalator leading to the Swan Centre decided to spend the trip hurling insults at my back.
THE FRUSTRATING (Part 1):
After a few weeks of happily chatting away, the girl I've been speaking to has stopped.
I have no idea why.
This keeps happening.
I'm fed up.
I have no idea why.
This keeps happening.
I'm fed up.
THE FRUSTRATING (Part 2):
We are now up to Day Six, in the BINGO STEP PLAN.
The progress was thus:We are now up to Day Six, in the BINGO STEP PLAN.
None.
We are stuck on Step 6: GETTING DOG TO GO ALL THE WAY UP THE STEPS.
There appears to be no sign of moving on from it.
The Vet assured us that we are "doing all the right things". It's just a matter of time, and given Bingo's advanced age; luck. There is a 50/50 chance of him accepting, or not accepting the idea of walking up and down steps to reach areas he used to jump up to.
Hopefully, given the details given in THE GOOD above, this will become a none issue, but I would like a contingency plan, so I hope that we can be within the 50% of cases that are successful, rather than the 50% that aren't.
*****
So! Overall, I'm not feeling all that great right now...
B.C.B.F.L.B x
Wednesday, 3 May 2017
The Good, The Bad, and The Potentially Good:
THE GOOD:
Having completed Book 1 of the Excel portion of my college course, I have now progressed to Book 2 and started working my way through that as well.
The study of Book 2 is optional. It is actually in fact, a previous version of the same course, which to the uninitiated may seem pointless. However; as quite a lot of 'gumph' (as eloquently put by Tutor 1) has been inexplicably missed out of the newer version - gumph which HASN'T by all accounts been also left out of the exam - every person taking the course it is strongly advised to go through it with a fine tooth comb with the assurance that yes: it WILL be worth the time it will take.
THE BAD:
Bingo was examined by the vet today.
As feared, there doesn't appear to be a way of un-stiffening the dog to the point that he has the mobility that he had before.
THE POTENTIALLY GOOD:
I have applied for a job. The letter was posted yesterday morning, First Class. It arrived today, and I had an email confirming it had been received at a little after 4-PM this afternoon.
If I succeed in getting an interview, I shall hear within a week.
...Fingers crossed...
B.C.B.F.L.B x
Tuesday, 2 May 2017
Well, Hopefully You CAN Teach An Old Dog A New Trick (Part 2):
Day Two and Day Three have come and gone.
The progress was thus...
Step 4 of Day Two and Day Three: GETTING DOG TO STEP ONTO STEPS.
This went well.
Bingo was induced to place both front feet on the top step to reach his treat.
Cue, much rejoicing.
Step 5 of Day Two and Day Three: GETTING DOG TO REPEAT STEP 4.
This went well also.
Cue more rejoicing.
Buoyed by this success, we felt emboldened to try to progress to Step 6...
Step 6 of Day Two and Day Three: GETTING DOG TO GO ALL THE WAY UP THE STEPS.
Thus far, abject failure.
Bingo will place both front paws on the top step with encouragement, but that's it. Once in place, the back of the sofa is close enough - or he is long/tall enough; whichever - for him reach the treat by stretching.
So! Tomorrow, we shall try holding the treat on the top of the sofa's backrest, so that it is in sight but out of reach.
Early days.
We shall persevere.
And in our perseverance, we shall prevail.
B.C.B.F.L.B x
The progress was thus...
Step 4 of Day Two and Day Three: GETTING DOG TO STEP ONTO STEPS.
This went well.
Bingo was induced to place both front feet on the top step to reach his treat.
Cue, much rejoicing.
Step 5 of Day Two and Day Three: GETTING DOG TO REPEAT STEP 4.
This went well also.
Cue more rejoicing.
Buoyed by this success, we felt emboldened to try to progress to Step 6...
Step 6 of Day Two and Day Three: GETTING DOG TO GO ALL THE WAY UP THE STEPS.
Thus far, abject failure.
Bingo will place both front paws on the top step with encouragement, but that's it. Once in place, the back of the sofa is close enough - or he is long/tall enough; whichever - for him reach the treat by stretching.
So! Tomorrow, we shall try holding the treat on the top of the sofa's backrest, so that it is in sight but out of reach.
Early days.
We shall persevere.
And in our perseverance, we shall prevail.
B.C.B.F.L.B x
Sunday, 30 April 2017
Well, Hopefully You CAN Teach An Old Dog A New Trick (Part 1):
Today was Day One in Bingo's journey to the destination of being able to continue taking journeys (in the car, that is). Namely: teaching my 12 year-old arthritic and highly stubborn Labrador to mount a simple two step device in order to access the back seats of my Grandmother's car.
Step 1 of Day One: PUTTING TOGETHER THE STEPS.
Well, that went far better than I had been expecting.
The box in which the steps were delivered promised "Easy Assembly!" in big letters, and I wanted to believe it, but having been stung by that particular claim before - more times than I can count - I must admit that I was skeptical. "Easy Assembly" is, after all, a relative concept. "Easy" for who? People who have a natural knack with DIY anyway; OR people who may have never before held a spanner/hammer/screws/drill/other in their life? Also, "Easy" for people with average or above average levels of fitness and upper body strength; OR fat slobs whose most energetic act of any given day was popping up and down a short flight of stairs to the loo and lifting/lowering a remote control?
As it turned out, "Easy" genuinely did mean "Easy". As in; "even a twit like YOU could manage this".
Good.
...Yep...
Step 2 of Day One: INTRODUCING DOG TO STEPS.
Bingo was very interested to meet the steps, which was a good sign. All sniffs and wags and 'ooh, what this?!'. Then we put them in place beside the sofa, and he carried on sniffing and wagging for a few minutes, then once he realized the steps weren't going to do anything more entertaining than sit there, did the dog equivalent of a shrug and walked off.
Step 3 of Day One (taking place close after Step 2): GETTING DOG TO TOUCH STEPS.
That one was easy. a) Lead dog to step. b) show dog treat. c) put treat on steps.
Step 4 of Day One: GETTING DOG TO STEP ONTO STEPS.
This was slightly more difficult.
...Okay, a lot more difficult.
Bingo knew we had treats, which was a good start. Bribery is a great weapon when trying to get a dog to co-operate and do and/or not do something.
There was however the matter that Bingo is not only heavy. He is also TALL. Tall enough to reach right OVER the steps and access the treats no matter how far back they were placed.
So, inducing him to put his feet onto the damn step to reach the treat instead, then, was a challenge. But eventually, with much encouragement and praise and downright begging, we managed and he placed both front paws on the bottom step before jumping off.
Cue, much rejoicing.
Step 5 of Day One: GETTING DOG TO REPEAT STEP 4.
This attempt led to abject failure. After much encouragement and praise and downright begging, Bingo became overwhelmed and confused and in the end the poor boy sat down because he didn't know what else to do.
So, we left it at that. Tomorrow was another day. In training - particularly with elderly dogs - patience is key.
Undefeated, however, I had another idea, and changed Step 5 slightly. Now, it is: LEAVE STEPS IN PLACE AND BLOCK OFF ALL ACCESS TO THE SOFA, SO IF DOG WISHES TO ACCESS ONE OF HIS FAVOURITE SPOTS, HE HAS TO USE THEM.
The likelihood of this working, is, admittedly, minimal. The dog, after all, has more than one favourite spot, not including his bed. But, there is a (very small, small) chance, and anyway; while the steps are sat there he can become used to having them around and they will absorb and retain faint traces of the various household scents (which for an animal guided by its nose, is great).
So, that's it, for now.
The process will be repeated over the next few days, and continue until Bingo is happy and confident and so are we. Then the process will start over again outside, leading into the car.
Now, two questions may have occurred to you, reader(s)...
1. why not start with the car rather than doing it all indoors only to have to start all over again?
2. why steps, rather than a ramp?
The answer to both is simple.
Firstly, it's advised to get a dog used to obeying specific training indoors as the dog will feel more secure and at ease. There are less distractions to break the dog's concentration.
Secondly, training of any kind is easiest if the building begins on a familiar base, and after years of trundling up and down our stairs; Bingo's mindset is already hunkered down onto that track and ready to roll. They are also (providing you buy the correct kind) sturdier and (generally speaking) need less space than ramps to be fully and safely functional. The little 'Two Step' version that I have, for instance, can be used just as easily indoors as out, and with it the dog can climb up onto or into a wide variety of places (bed, sofa, car, caravan...you name it). Ramps, as well, though more convenient for the owner as the majority of them are fold-able for easy transport, have the distinct disadvantage of there being nothing underneath supporting them. For humans, that might be no problem - because you know what's happening and that it'll take your weight without breaking - but for dogs? That's a hard hurdle to overcome. It CAN be overcome, obviously, but why force the issue when you don't have to?
...Anyway. I feel optimistic.
With practice and patience, Bingo will get used to the steps, I'm sure he will. And then he can travel to see people again, and be spoiled and petted by Grandmama, Grandpapa and Great Aunt as he used to be.
He misses it. I know he does. He really felt it on Friday, when Mother set off for the Grandmama's alone, rather than with me and him. So much so, that I ended up cuddling him and watching The Good Old Days on BBC4, so he'd hear it going on in the background just as he would there. As I enjoy the program as a rule anyway, it wasn't a hardship (it was jolly good fun, actually, although I'm still not certain where on earth Ken Dodd got that feather duster from), but leaving him on Saturday to go and visit the Grandpapa certainly was. As we sometimes go somewhere else on Saturdays - leaving him behind - we didn't think it would be a problem, particularly as we were planning on bringing home a goodybag for him filled with his favourite treats, but it was. He sulked so much that he refused to eat his dinner until the early hours of the next morning, knowing that it would badly upset us.
So! It'll be good when all of this is sorted out.
Roll on Day Two.
=pushes up sleeves=
...I'm ready...
B.C.B.F.L.B. x
Step 1 of Day One: PUTTING TOGETHER THE STEPS.
Well, that went far better than I had been expecting.
The box in which the steps were delivered promised "Easy Assembly!" in big letters, and I wanted to believe it, but having been stung by that particular claim before - more times than I can count - I must admit that I was skeptical. "Easy Assembly" is, after all, a relative concept. "Easy" for who? People who have a natural knack with DIY anyway; OR people who may have never before held a spanner/hammer/screws/drill/other in their life? Also, "Easy" for people with average or above average levels of fitness and upper body strength; OR fat slobs whose most energetic act of any given day was popping up and down a short flight of stairs to the loo and lifting/lowering a remote control?
As it turned out, "Easy" genuinely did mean "Easy". As in; "even a twit like YOU could manage this".
Good.
...Yep...
Step 2 of Day One: INTRODUCING DOG TO STEPS.
Bingo was very interested to meet the steps, which was a good sign. All sniffs and wags and 'ooh, what this?!'. Then we put them in place beside the sofa, and he carried on sniffing and wagging for a few minutes, then once he realized the steps weren't going to do anything more entertaining than sit there, did the dog equivalent of a shrug and walked off.
Step 3 of Day One (taking place close after Step 2): GETTING DOG TO TOUCH STEPS.
That one was easy. a) Lead dog to step. b) show dog treat. c) put treat on steps.
Step 4 of Day One: GETTING DOG TO STEP ONTO STEPS.
This was slightly more difficult.
...Okay, a lot more difficult.
Bingo knew we had treats, which was a good start. Bribery is a great weapon when trying to get a dog to co-operate and do and/or not do something.
There was however the matter that Bingo is not only heavy. He is also TALL. Tall enough to reach right OVER the steps and access the treats no matter how far back they were placed.
So, inducing him to put his feet onto the damn step to reach the treat instead, then, was a challenge. But eventually, with much encouragement and praise and downright begging, we managed and he placed both front paws on the bottom step before jumping off.
Cue, much rejoicing.
Step 5 of Day One: GETTING DOG TO REPEAT STEP 4.
This attempt led to abject failure. After much encouragement and praise and downright begging, Bingo became overwhelmed and confused and in the end the poor boy sat down because he didn't know what else to do.
So, we left it at that. Tomorrow was another day. In training - particularly with elderly dogs - patience is key.
Undefeated, however, I had another idea, and changed Step 5 slightly. Now, it is: LEAVE STEPS IN PLACE AND BLOCK OFF ALL ACCESS TO THE SOFA, SO IF DOG WISHES TO ACCESS ONE OF HIS FAVOURITE SPOTS, HE HAS TO USE THEM.
The likelihood of this working, is, admittedly, minimal. The dog, after all, has more than one favourite spot, not including his bed. But, there is a (very small, small) chance, and anyway; while the steps are sat there he can become used to having them around and they will absorb and retain faint traces of the various household scents (which for an animal guided by its nose, is great).
So, that's it, for now.
The process will be repeated over the next few days, and continue until Bingo is happy and confident and so are we. Then the process will start over again outside, leading into the car.
Now, two questions may have occurred to you, reader(s)...
1. why not start with the car rather than doing it all indoors only to have to start all over again?
2. why steps, rather than a ramp?
The answer to both is simple.
Firstly, it's advised to get a dog used to obeying specific training indoors as the dog will feel more secure and at ease. There are less distractions to break the dog's concentration.
Secondly, training of any kind is easiest if the building begins on a familiar base, and after years of trundling up and down our stairs; Bingo's mindset is already hunkered down onto that track and ready to roll. They are also (providing you buy the correct kind) sturdier and (generally speaking) need less space than ramps to be fully and safely functional. The little 'Two Step' version that I have, for instance, can be used just as easily indoors as out, and with it the dog can climb up onto or into a wide variety of places (bed, sofa, car, caravan...you name it). Ramps, as well, though more convenient for the owner as the majority of them are fold-able for easy transport, have the distinct disadvantage of there being nothing underneath supporting them. For humans, that might be no problem - because you know what's happening and that it'll take your weight without breaking - but for dogs? That's a hard hurdle to overcome. It CAN be overcome, obviously, but why force the issue when you don't have to?
...Anyway. I feel optimistic.
With practice and patience, Bingo will get used to the steps, I'm sure he will. And then he can travel to see people again, and be spoiled and petted by Grandmama, Grandpapa and Great Aunt as he used to be.
He misses it. I know he does. He really felt it on Friday, when Mother set off for the Grandmama's alone, rather than with me and him. So much so, that I ended up cuddling him and watching The Good Old Days on BBC4, so he'd hear it going on in the background just as he would there. As I enjoy the program as a rule anyway, it wasn't a hardship (it was jolly good fun, actually, although I'm still not certain where on earth Ken Dodd got that feather duster from), but leaving him on Saturday to go and visit the Grandpapa certainly was. As we sometimes go somewhere else on Saturdays - leaving him behind - we didn't think it would be a problem, particularly as we were planning on bringing home a goodybag for him filled with his favourite treats, but it was. He sulked so much that he refused to eat his dinner until the early hours of the next morning, knowing that it would badly upset us.
So! It'll be good when all of this is sorted out.
Roll on Day Two.
=pushes up sleeves=
...I'm ready...
B.C.B.F.L.B. x
Wednesday, 26 April 2017
Tuesday, 25 April 2017
Good, Alice. Well done.
Today I had a bra fitting.
Not a big thing, one might think, but for me, it was.
You see, I haven't appeared before another human being - man or woman - with my top half clad only in a bra in a little over a decade. That's a daunting enough prospect for anyone, but added to that I am still approximately two and a half stone heavier than my body is happy with. That's better than the three and a half stone heavier that I was initially, but still. Also, as my most vigorous exercise I tend to do - apart from occasionally building up a sweat at work - is walking, I am rather flabby (...okay, very flabby). I'm pretty much okay and comfortable with that in the day to day - indeed, I am far happier and confident these days, both with my size and myself - but a huge part of that depends on my being clothed.
So! Add that in with my cowardliness and aversion to speaking to people I am not familiar with (which I have been working on of late, but is still not fully under control), and you've got the answer to why I'd been putting this moment off - and putting up with the discomfort my ill fitting bras caused - for so long.
Fast forward to Friday of last week. After adjusting my bra and boobs for the umpteenth time and trying to get comfortable, something snapped - inside me, that is; not the bra - and the logical side of my nature demanded that I do something to resolve the issue. Enough, after all, was enough.
So, I asked the Grandmama - who's sofa I was fidgeting about on at the time - if I might borrow a tape measure (which she bemusedly agreed to), then upon her handing it over thanked her politely and disappeared into the bedroom with my iPad.
I had already typed in 'how to measure oneself for a bra' and had the instructions on screen ready. Closing the door I took a deep breath, then I removed my top and set about measuring my bust.
After a few false starts - you know, I watched the little video that the good people of Evans recommended for boob size-check novices like myself and let me tell you, it's a heck of a lot harder than it looks - I got the hang of it and took three measurements of both areas of the breast needed for calculation; that is 'over bust' and 'under bust'. My main problem measuring wise was 'under bust', as I ended up with two different results - 44 and 46 - which was a little discouraging, but undeterred I took both numbers along with my 'over bust' measurement - which thankfully appeared to be unequivocal - and consulted the little BRA SIZING table. According to that, I was either a 44G or a 46E.
...Great. So I still didn't know what bra size I needed - though, based on the table, I had the comforting knowledge that definitely wasn't wearing the right size right then, so there was hope - as given how much difference lay between the two.
The next step, therefore, was having myself measured professionally. There were only two problems with that. The first was that the shop I purchased my underwear from - Evans - no longer offered in-store bra fitting. The second, bigger problem (no pun intended) was that in order to be fitted at all in any shop, I would have to take off my top.
Still, I had to do SOMETHING.
A friend had mentioned that Marks and Spenser had fitted her for a bra once. That had been years ago, so they might have stopped in the meantime, but it was worth a shot, so I checked. They still provided the service, albeit not in Kidderminster - Worcester was the closest place - and you could book an appointment in advance, which to save me from the risk of paying the train fare to get up there only to be turned away again, is what I opted to do.
So, I picked a day and time that bar an unexpected family emergency I would definitely be able to attend no matter what happened at work, clicked "BOOK!" and then carried on with daily life, which now included telling the emotion driven part of my brain (which on the advice of the book I am reading, I have named. She is called Sybil) that no matter how upset she got I was not going to be cancelling, so she would have to lump it.
Fast forward again to today. I arrived in Worcester at 11:30, and settled down in the nearby Weatherspoon's pub for an early lunch and a long wait.
I was okay at first. For the first hour or so I sat quite contentedly in my seat at a table facing the door - but not close enough to be caught in the draft created by people's comings and goings - reading my book and sipping at my drink. But a little while after that anxiety started to gnaw at my gut. I tried to ignore it (classic mistake, according to that book I'm reading) but it didn't work, and within a few minutes Sybil - my emotional side, remember - was in full cry (or rather, full shriek).
I tried the tricks I had learned so far to get Sybil under control;
First 'reassurance.' That was a no-go. She simply shouted over me.
Then 'reward'.
Picture the scene...
ME: (calm, soothing) if we go to this one, little appointment, we will buy a pick&mix on the way home..? We like pick&mix; that would be really nice, wouldn't it?
SYBIL/EMOTIONAL SIDE: (screeching) I DON'T CARE IF WE COULD HAVE A PICK&MIX, BOTTLE OF WINE, A MILLION POUNDS AND OUR VERY OWN PONY! WE ARE NOT GOING TO THAT BLOODY MEETING!
Finally, I employed a fail safe and gave my little over-emotional chimp (that's what the book defines the emotional side as being like) an outlet to 'exercise' and vent out all of her fears and frustration to an understanding party. In this instance, that meant first Best Friend 2, then as Sybil was still a little agitated afterward, my Mother. Both let me talk (the first via text, as per usual as the signal is bad where she is, and the latter over the phone) and both then offered reassurance.
At 13:00, I headed over to M&S. and once there, found the fitting room in the lingerie department. I knew I was early, but I wanted to reassure myself that I knew exactly where to go and who to speak to. I figured that then I would go and browse while I waited for my appointment.
As it turned out, browsing wasn't necessary, because as soon as I arrived I was shown right in. There had been a cancellation, the nice, reassuring looking, stout middle-aged lady wearing horn-rimmed glasses explained; so the slot before mine was open.
I had hoped that the lady, Maureen, was going to do the fitting, but she merely smilingly handed me over to an equally smiley young woman (who was, to Sybil's dismay, tall and very slim) called Ginny, who in turn showed me into a fitting room and asked me to remove my top but keep my bra on. She would wait outside and I could call her when I was ready.
Taking a deep breath, I did just that. And two minutes later, there I was, stood before Ginny, clad in only my bra.
And you know what happened? Exactly what the logical side of my brain said would happen: namely, nothing.
Ginny looked me over - or rather my breasts; the rest of me held no interest to her at all - with what was obviously an experienced eye, first from the front then from the back. Her initial comment was the one I my attempt at measurement had concluded; the back strap of the bra I had on was far too loose. Turning around to face her again - it took a few seconds to resist the urge to try and cover myself with my arms - I explained about the measuring and she nodded understandingly, before telling me that as far as she could tell from just looking, I was a 44 (she doubted I was a 46). As for the cup size, she had no idea due to the fact that the weight of my breasts had mishapen the bra I was wearing too badly to tell, but given what I had told her, she estimated I was between an F and a G. She opted for the bigger cup size and fetched a bra. 44G. I tried it on - my GOD, the back was snug! I could barely do it up! - and then showed her the result. After a quick adjustment of the shoulder straps, she took a step back and did another front/back inspection. The improvement was amazing - first try, and I felt so much more comfortable already - but it wasn't quite right. The back strap was tight enough for us both to agree that I wasn't a 44 (although I very nearly was), and the position of my breasts gave a clear indication that I needed more support than a G-cup could ever give. Going away, she came back with a 44F. I tried it on, and it was better to the point of being almost perfect. ...Almost.
Pursing her lips, she thought about it for a bit before speaking again.
"D'you know," she said slowly; "I'm certain that you are under a 46, so not only would it be more expensive - as M&S didn't stock it, it would have to be special ordered or brought from another shop - but I am fairly certain that going up an entire size would be detrimental in the long run anyway, as your breasts are obviously so heavy that you need the straps to be perfect in order to keep your breasts in a comfortable position. There is a solution, though. A strap extender. They're cheap - cheaper than going up an entire size - easy to attach, and you only need about a half inch worth of give. Shall we try that?"
I nodded. Anything to be able to maintain the feeling of support my bust (which is a hefty 4lb per boob, by the way) was getting right then.
Extender applied, the bra moved from being almost perfect, to perfect.
Ginny brought me a second bra of the same make and size at my request, and I went to pay for it all singing internally with glee. I had two bras - one of which I was still wearing, that fitted, and fitted well. I was comfortable, Supported. For the first time in at least 10 years. It cost £18 per bra (half the amount of the ones at Evans, even with the train fare) and the extender (3 per pack) cost £5. I still can't quite believe it.
So! That was my day. I calmed my inner chimp enough to undertake an activity I didn't want to but knew I needed to do, and the results were even better than I'd dared hope.
Go me.
B.C.B.F.L.B x
Not a big thing, one might think, but for me, it was.
You see, I haven't appeared before another human being - man or woman - with my top half clad only in a bra in a little over a decade. That's a daunting enough prospect for anyone, but added to that I am still approximately two and a half stone heavier than my body is happy with. That's better than the three and a half stone heavier that I was initially, but still. Also, as my most vigorous exercise I tend to do - apart from occasionally building up a sweat at work - is walking, I am rather flabby (...okay, very flabby). I'm pretty much okay and comfortable with that in the day to day - indeed, I am far happier and confident these days, both with my size and myself - but a huge part of that depends on my being clothed.
So! Add that in with my cowardliness and aversion to speaking to people I am not familiar with (which I have been working on of late, but is still not fully under control), and you've got the answer to why I'd been putting this moment off - and putting up with the discomfort my ill fitting bras caused - for so long.
Fast forward to Friday of last week. After adjusting my bra and boobs for the umpteenth time and trying to get comfortable, something snapped - inside me, that is; not the bra - and the logical side of my nature demanded that I do something to resolve the issue. Enough, after all, was enough.
So, I asked the Grandmama - who's sofa I was fidgeting about on at the time - if I might borrow a tape measure (which she bemusedly agreed to), then upon her handing it over thanked her politely and disappeared into the bedroom with my iPad.
I had already typed in 'how to measure oneself for a bra' and had the instructions on screen ready. Closing the door I took a deep breath, then I removed my top and set about measuring my bust.
After a few false starts - you know, I watched the little video that the good people of Evans recommended for boob size-check novices like myself and let me tell you, it's a heck of a lot harder than it looks - I got the hang of it and took three measurements of both areas of the breast needed for calculation; that is 'over bust' and 'under bust'. My main problem measuring wise was 'under bust', as I ended up with two different results - 44 and 46 - which was a little discouraging, but undeterred I took both numbers along with my 'over bust' measurement - which thankfully appeared to be unequivocal - and consulted the little BRA SIZING table. According to that, I was either a 44G or a 46E.
...Great. So I still didn't know what bra size I needed - though, based on the table, I had the comforting knowledge that definitely wasn't wearing the right size right then, so there was hope - as given how much difference lay between the two.
The next step, therefore, was having myself measured professionally. There were only two problems with that. The first was that the shop I purchased my underwear from - Evans - no longer offered in-store bra fitting. The second, bigger problem (no pun intended) was that in order to be fitted at all in any shop, I would have to take off my top.
Still, I had to do SOMETHING.
A friend had mentioned that Marks and Spenser had fitted her for a bra once. That had been years ago, so they might have stopped in the meantime, but it was worth a shot, so I checked. They still provided the service, albeit not in Kidderminster - Worcester was the closest place - and you could book an appointment in advance, which to save me from the risk of paying the train fare to get up there only to be turned away again, is what I opted to do.
So, I picked a day and time that bar an unexpected family emergency I would definitely be able to attend no matter what happened at work, clicked "BOOK!" and then carried on with daily life, which now included telling the emotion driven part of my brain (which on the advice of the book I am reading, I have named. She is called Sybil) that no matter how upset she got I was not going to be cancelling, so she would have to lump it.
Fast forward again to today. I arrived in Worcester at 11:30, and settled down in the nearby Weatherspoon's pub for an early lunch and a long wait.
I was okay at first. For the first hour or so I sat quite contentedly in my seat at a table facing the door - but not close enough to be caught in the draft created by people's comings and goings - reading my book and sipping at my drink. But a little while after that anxiety started to gnaw at my gut. I tried to ignore it (classic mistake, according to that book I'm reading) but it didn't work, and within a few minutes Sybil - my emotional side, remember - was in full cry (or rather, full shriek).
I tried the tricks I had learned so far to get Sybil under control;
First 'reassurance.' That was a no-go. She simply shouted over me.
Then 'reward'.
Picture the scene...
ME: (calm, soothing) if we go to this one, little appointment, we will buy a pick&mix on the way home..? We like pick&mix; that would be really nice, wouldn't it?
SYBIL/EMOTIONAL SIDE: (screeching) I DON'T CARE IF WE COULD HAVE A PICK&MIX, BOTTLE OF WINE, A MILLION POUNDS AND OUR VERY OWN PONY! WE ARE NOT GOING TO THAT BLOODY MEETING!
Finally, I employed a fail safe and gave my little over-emotional chimp (that's what the book defines the emotional side as being like) an outlet to 'exercise' and vent out all of her fears and frustration to an understanding party. In this instance, that meant first Best Friend 2, then as Sybil was still a little agitated afterward, my Mother. Both let me talk (the first via text, as per usual as the signal is bad where she is, and the latter over the phone) and both then offered reassurance.
At 13:00, I headed over to M&S. and once there, found the fitting room in the lingerie department. I knew I was early, but I wanted to reassure myself that I knew exactly where to go and who to speak to. I figured that then I would go and browse while I waited for my appointment.
As it turned out, browsing wasn't necessary, because as soon as I arrived I was shown right in. There had been a cancellation, the nice, reassuring looking, stout middle-aged lady wearing horn-rimmed glasses explained; so the slot before mine was open.
I had hoped that the lady, Maureen, was going to do the fitting, but she merely smilingly handed me over to an equally smiley young woman (who was, to Sybil's dismay, tall and very slim) called Ginny, who in turn showed me into a fitting room and asked me to remove my top but keep my bra on. She would wait outside and I could call her when I was ready.
Taking a deep breath, I did just that. And two minutes later, there I was, stood before Ginny, clad in only my bra.
And you know what happened? Exactly what the logical side of my brain said would happen: namely, nothing.
Ginny looked me over - or rather my breasts; the rest of me held no interest to her at all - with what was obviously an experienced eye, first from the front then from the back. Her initial comment was the one I my attempt at measurement had concluded; the back strap of the bra I had on was far too loose. Turning around to face her again - it took a few seconds to resist the urge to try and cover myself with my arms - I explained about the measuring and she nodded understandingly, before telling me that as far as she could tell from just looking, I was a 44 (she doubted I was a 46). As for the cup size, she had no idea due to the fact that the weight of my breasts had mishapen the bra I was wearing too badly to tell, but given what I had told her, she estimated I was between an F and a G. She opted for the bigger cup size and fetched a bra. 44G. I tried it on - my GOD, the back was snug! I could barely do it up! - and then showed her the result. After a quick adjustment of the shoulder straps, she took a step back and did another front/back inspection. The improvement was amazing - first try, and I felt so much more comfortable already - but it wasn't quite right. The back strap was tight enough for us both to agree that I wasn't a 44 (although I very nearly was), and the position of my breasts gave a clear indication that I needed more support than a G-cup could ever give. Going away, she came back with a 44F. I tried it on, and it was better to the point of being almost perfect. ...Almost.
Pursing her lips, she thought about it for a bit before speaking again.
"D'you know," she said slowly; "I'm certain that you are under a 46, so not only would it be more expensive - as M&S didn't stock it, it would have to be special ordered or brought from another shop - but I am fairly certain that going up an entire size would be detrimental in the long run anyway, as your breasts are obviously so heavy that you need the straps to be perfect in order to keep your breasts in a comfortable position. There is a solution, though. A strap extender. They're cheap - cheaper than going up an entire size - easy to attach, and you only need about a half inch worth of give. Shall we try that?"
I nodded. Anything to be able to maintain the feeling of support my bust (which is a hefty 4lb per boob, by the way) was getting right then.
Extender applied, the bra moved from being almost perfect, to perfect.
Ginny brought me a second bra of the same make and size at my request, and I went to pay for it all singing internally with glee. I had two bras - one of which I was still wearing, that fitted, and fitted well. I was comfortable, Supported. For the first time in at least 10 years. It cost £18 per bra (half the amount of the ones at Evans, even with the train fare) and the extender (3 per pack) cost £5. I still can't quite believe it.
So! That was my day. I calmed my inner chimp enough to undertake an activity I didn't want to but knew I needed to do, and the results were even better than I'd dared hope.
Go me.
B.C.B.F.L.B x
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)