Facts Of Life (as they are for A.Collison) Numbers 2, 3 & 4:

FACT 2: 
It will be straight after you have mopped the stairs at work that 5 or 6 people will be compelled to take their breaks - which require them to walk up the stairs - all at the same time.
     And at least one, if not two of them will need to come back down again less than two minutes later because they forgot - for example - their sandwiches.
     Oh, and all of these people will have large work boots. That are muddy.

FACT 3: 
It will be around half an hour after you have hung your washing out on the line that the bright sunshine that the weather people had forecast as lasting all day and that warmed you cheerily as you were pegging vanishes, replaced by heavy rain.
     And during that deceptive half hour of good weather, of course, you will have had to go out.

FACT 4:
It is when you are feeling at your worst and/or most exhausted that as you collapse on the sofa - after a hard and horrible time elsewhere with no other thought in your head than to just SIT DOWN AND NOT MOVE - your dog will come up to you doing this:

....That is all.

Thank you for reading Facts Of Life (as they are for A. Collison).

Alice x

Fact Of Life (as it is for A.Collison) Number 1:

Buying two packets of tuck cheese sandwich biscuits rather than one, because they are on special offer, will not - as you tell yourself when you put them in your basket - result in you eating a few biscuits a day for a week or so. What WILL happen, instead, is that you eat not one packet of tuck cheese sandwich biscuits but two, all in one go.
Then you will feel sick.

That is all.

Thank you for reading Facts Of Life (as they are for A. Collison).

Alice x

The Past Few Days.

* Chaos is ensuing at work. From tomorrow there are two cleaners rather than the required four. Up to then for the past week there has been one. ME.

Don't ask me what is going on. I have no idea. There are rumours abound, but all I know definitely is that The Bitch is off sick for the foreseeable future (but no clue as to what's wrong with her), The Colleague has been on holiday for the past two weeks (but returns tomorrow, thank God), there is nobody that The Company can send to provide cover for the deficiency (though they still seem to expect the work to get done) and they are still looking for a fourth person to join the crew in any case because yet another one buggered off three weeks ago. Meanwhile, the store is going to hell and I'm pissed off.

* It's that special time of the month again. It's bang on time, of course. It always is; but somehow I'm never prepared for it. Anyway,  now everything aches, I'm uncomfortable and I'm pissed off to a near murderous degree by things that usually wouldn't bother me (I think being pissed off by the work thing is justified, though) while also feeling an acute urge to burst into tears at irregular intervals for no reason (or practically no reason) at all. 

I know that as symptoms go, this is nothing, but still: meh. Sometimes being a woman sucks...

* My work/dog walking/wet weather boots died today. I had hoped that they could last out until October. My birthday is in October, you see, and I know this sounds mercenary but I was planning on asking people to give me money rather than presents (family, that is; as in the people who would normally buy me presents, rather than total strangers) so that I could get a new pair without breaking into my little emergency buffer. But t'was not to be. After hanging on grimly for a few extra weeks, they died a death today and I had to shuffle my way to the outdoor store and fork out £49.99 for a new pair. 

I know that £49.99 isn't all that much for good sturdy waterproof boots. And I know that considering how much use they get, around 8 months is a good long time for them to last. But damnit, 18 days! My birthday is in 18 days!

=makes disapproving growly noise=

* I spent the latter part of today (once I had recovered after work) doing a "full deconstructive recovery" to restore Niles to his factory settings after he buggered up to a degree that ordinary tweaking wouldn't fix. So then I had to put everything back again, which caused problems in itself, because while Google Chrome was loading up a few sneaky applications crept through and latched themselves to the hard-drive like nasty little software limpets. So then I had to sort THAT out, which took ages because the Nasty Software Limpets clung for dear life and made things as difficult as they possibly could. 

=makes bigger disapproving growly noise=

* Had a letter from the opticians yesterday. I am six months overdue for my 2 yearly eye exam. Whoopee.

Considering that I am pretty sure that my eyes have deteriorated just enough to warrant yet another new prescription and also considering how much that new prescription is going to cost, they can sod off for now. I'm not driving at the moment and for all the every day things I can see just fine, thank-you-very-much. 

* The dog ran off today for ten minutes and came back looking guilty. I don't know what he ate, but whatever it is has given him flatulence so powerful that both of us are struggling with it, let alone just me.

He just dropped another one. Oh, dear GOD, that's bad!

Anyway! It's shaping up to be one of those weeks....

...Oh, shit shit shit! Mother just got back from orchestra, which sent the dog into his usual frenzy of delight, which caused him to knock the table I am sat at, which (because I didn't react fast enough) caused the glass I had on it to go flying through the air, sending a cascade of cherryade after it onto our rug. Our green rug. Which now has soggy red patches all over it.

=SIGH. HEAD-DESK. SIGH= 

At least he didn't knock it all over the computer, I suppose. Got to go, anyway. I need to tackle to pop before it dries and becomes impossible to shift.

...Resisting the urge to buy gin, resisting the urge to buy gin...

I Know, I Know, I Need To Go Away Now, But Just Quickly:

How great is this?!

I know I hate what I call Text-Slang usually, but: 'LOL!' seems appropriate here.

OK. I'm going now, really.

Alice. x

Because I've Nothing Better To Do At This Moment In Time...

...and as it's been avidly requested by my fans (well, my fan. And she just mentioned it. Once), I've had a tinker around with my Blog and as a result I've figured how to put pictures in! Cool or what?

Anyway, without any further ado:

Here is Bingo!

Isn't he lovely?? My darling baby. I do love him so.

=beams=

Y'know, it took me an hour of hunting (for the first 55 minutes, in completely the wrong place) to find that little "insert image" button.

I'm so clever...

Alice. x

Today My Brain And My Body Had A Fight.

My body wanted to lie down and rest after slogging it out at The Store for hours this morning.

My brain however, was alert and wanted to stay awake.

...My brain won.

=SIGH=

Of course, on the plus side, my house is a lot cleaner now...

Alice x

Question:

Dear Bloggersphere;

Does anybody else make efforts mend the favourite toys of their dog(s) to prolong their lifespans (the lifespan of the toys, that is, not that of the dogs)? Or is it just me?

Sincerely,

The Girl That Cannot Sew Particularly Well, But Spent The Last Twenty Minutes With Needle And Thread Gamely Attempting To Salvage A Well-Beloved Cuddly Duck, Lest Her Much Loved Dog Pine For It.

PS: In case you are interested, I succeeded. Despite the great tear across its' stomach and another down the back, along with my lack of skill with t'needle, the duck lives to quack another day.
Go me.