Are You There Dad? It's Me, Alice (part 3):

=sighs=  Hello.

The autopsy has been completed (no results yet). And the funeral has been arranged for next week.
     Journey has been planned as well as it can be (4 legs by train, last by bus). Useful numbers, such as local taxi firms and cheap-and-cheerful hotels have been found and made note of (thankfully there are loads). Time has been booked off work (no problems there). Funeral appropriate clothing has been arranged for all (well, for both of us, that is).
     So everything is ready.

Except us.

We want to go, and at the same time we don't. We feel we ought to go; for dad, for the widow, for each other, but at the same time we feel certain that neither of us would cope even with the horrendous journey let alone the funeral (or our even more horrendous relatives).
     So, it seems impossible for us to stay here and yet just as impossible for us to go there. It is all so awful; our minds have been a-whirl and our insides twisting themselves into bits ever since it happened to the point that we are both utterly mentally exhausted. And nobody can help us. They can give their opinion. Give advice. Give sympathy and/or encouragement. But they can't make that final decision for us. That only we, whether together or separately, can do. For better or worse, the responsibility is ours alone.

...God, that sucks. I hate being grown-up...
   

=sighs=

That is all. For now. I'm sure more will follow.

Alice xxx