In No Particular Order, Here Are A Few Things I Have Said (Either To Myself or Someone Else) During The Course Of Today:

.START.

Exasperated, upon re-sweeping bottom end of store for the umpteenth time:
     - whose bright idea was it to store loose plaster dust in thin paper sacks?


Furious, upon finding the little pile of cat poo beside the toilet in the bathroom:
     - You bad, BAD cat! BAD BAD BAD! WHY do you do this?! This is unacceptable, totally unacceptable!
     .....(cue: stomping away, then stomping back to yell at unimpressed cat again).....
     - I FED you your snack today BEFORE I had my lunch! Before I had sat down, even! And this is how you repay me! I am cross with you, very cross and you don't care, do you, you don't care a jot! Look at you, sat there blinking up at me totally safe in the knowledge that nothing bad will happen because you know we won't have the heart to kill you; well, I had the shift from Hell this morning, cat and you have seriously pissed me off, so think again!
     .....(cue: stomping off again, leaving cat sat on the stairs; still unimpressed).....


Blushing, as girl in sandwich shop wrote down my order without my needing to say anything:
     - .....yeah, that's it. I guess I can be classed as a 'regular', huh? .....and boring.


Pained, after sharp contact to heel by new, hard to manoeuvre giant mop bucket: 
     - ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...


Upon opening file containing The Story: 
     - please not read only, please not read only, please not read only, please not read only...


Wearily, standing in back garden with throbbing feet: 
     - Bingo, you ASKED to go out. I didn't get a break and I've just got home; I haven't even sat down yet. Get on with it.


Slightly irked, upon remark from passing man regarding 'niceness' of job as I drove past on mopping machine:
     - Oh, yeah. If you discount the getting on and getting off and getting on and getting off and getting on and getting off...along with the continuous destructive interference from B&Q staff and B&Q customers, plus the sweeping and mopping and wiping and sweeping and mopping and wiping for ever and ever A-men, then yeah; it's just peachy, thanks.


Musing, peering at fingers: 
     - boy, my hands are dirty. Probably should have washed them before I ate.


Thrilled, upon finding a new Emoticon by accident (typed): 
     - I made a smiley face with a mustache! .....is that how you spell 'mustache'?


Half awed, half freaked out, upon waking up:
     - I just beat the Hell out of my Grandfather. Wow. Why did my brain cast him, of all people, as a deranged, evil serial killer?
     .....and where did that Basilisk come from??

.END.