Thursday, 31 December 2015

Two Weeks In Bullet Points.

Well! 
     The past fourteen days have seen the following:

~~~

* the eating of a heck of a lot of food, most of it terribly nice and massively unhealthy.

* the making of two and a half dog toys; one pig, one elephant (named 'Unique-o'), and a second elephant (thus far, named 'half done, but neater than the last one').

* the putting up of decorations.

* a lot of sitting in the dark and looking at pretty fairy lights and/or candle.

* the ordering of two takeaway meals.

* the watching of a heck of a lot of television; some old, some new, some enjoyed, some not.

* the rereading of three Agatha Christi novels.

* a heck of a lot of talking.

* a heck of a lot of listening.

* a lot of snuggling with a mostly disinterested but very obliging dog.

* a lot of thinking while sitting in the dark and looking at pretty fairy lights and/or candle.

* the attendance of an extremely successful and highly enjoyable Gala Christmas Concert.

* the sucking down of many drinks; quite a few of them alcohol based.

* the playing of games; a few 'board' and a few 'card'.

* the receipt of several Christmas cards and a few presents that are Christmas presents, except not really, because "look, it's not wrapped; see? I'm obeying your rules".

* the listening to a lot of music; most of it Christmas based, some not.

* the unexpected drop in of Best Friend 1 (I gave her an apple. Merry Christmas).

* a heck of a lot of laughing.

* a heck of a lot of crying.

* the start of That Special Time Again (on Christmas day, no less).

* the finalizing of The Mother's birthday present ready for January 5th.

* the sending of my (living) Cousin's birthday present and my (late) Father's birthday card; both ready for January 4th.

* the making of three new years' resolutions.

* the admittance of a problem (okay, a few problems. ...Okay, more than a few...).

* the arrangement of one visit to Worcester to see Cousin open aforementioned birthday present (on the 3rd. A day early, but; meh).

* the purchase of two pairs of walking boots (one of them mine).

* the purchase of two pairs of jogging bottoms (both of them mine).

* the writing of a whopping two whole paragraphs of The Story and the jotting down of a few odd words and/or sentences of many other stories that I am supposed to be ignoring right now.

* the understanding (finally!) of the offside rule (really!).

* the experience of the Mother getting hot under the collar over two terribly important issues: the rolling around of tin cans outside our front door (first noticed a few days ago), and the totally unacceptable crookedness of Les Dawnson's tie in a recently watched episode of Family Fortunes (first aired a couple of decades ago).

...and! Last but not least...

* the wanton and rapid destruction of one cuddly hedgehog named 'Snuffles'.


~~~

Good, eh?
     I think that's pretty good.

Alice x

Tuesday, 29 December 2015

That Special Time Again.

.START.

Scene is set; Alice and Best Friend 0.5 are having a conversation via text message. Alice has just confessed that she shall not be joining Best Friend 0.5 for coffee/chat that day, as she feels unwell. Best Friend 0.5's responses to this are outlined (albeit paraphrased) below:

BEST FRIEND 0.5: ...oh, that's a shame. Been overindulging over Christmas, have we?
ALICE: a bit, yes. And also that thing that happens only to ladies around once a month and that isn't spoken of in polite society...
BEST FRIEND 0.5: ah! I see. You are a werewolf. Well, I understand. You aren't the only one, you know. Just rest up, avoid going out and try not to bite anyone. x
ALICE: =laughs= that is a bloody good description of how I am feeling right now. x
     P.S. I'll try.
BEST FRIEND 0.5: good, good. See you soon. x

Scene fades out with Alice smilingly putting her phone back in her pocket before snuggling down on the sofa under her blanket to continue her viewing of her favourite Sex & The City episodes. 

.END.


Alice x

P.S. By the way, Best Friend 0.5; if you are reading this, it's safe to come out now. I am no longer a werewolf; the danger has passed. For the next month or so, anyway...

Sunday, 6 December 2015

Another Fun Fact.

Did You Know:
     When on the run from a rouge giant-super-mutant octopus that has broken free and is running wild in a futuristic zoo; the best way to out run its killer tentacles is to jump into a shallow tank with just enough water to cover you and lie very, very still?
     Yeah. Because a) the octopus can't see very well - rather like a T-Rex - and b) the octopus also can't smell you due to the salt in the water masking your scent.

...Uh-huh. That is totally true.
     Or at least, according to the dream/nightmare I had last night it is.
     Yep.
     I saved a whole load of people that way, including my mother. And then I killed the giant-super-mutant-killer octopus with a (conveniently placed and then perfectly aimed) silver-plated javelin.
     Yep.
     Go me, with my bad-arsed dream self.
     I rock.

...Also according to my dream/nightmare, in another part of the futuristic zoo (bizarrely, we were still meandering round for quite a while post Killer Octopus Incident) there is a small robot in the meerkat enclosure (ordinary meerkats, that is, not giant-super-mutant-killer meerkats) that looks innocuous but isn't. Supposedly it is just an insentient little box on wheels with a computer screen on the front and two little speakers positioned in such a way as to look like eyes, that drives around quoting snatches from the 'Compare the Meerkat' saga, but in actuality it is a captured alien forced to pretend to be an innocuous computerizing wheeled quoting thing while it drives around stealing samples of people's DNA for reasons that are as yet unknown by the nefarious owners of the futuristic zoo, who are actually master criminals intent on world domination and infinite riches and universal warfare and all the usual malarkey that master criminals tend to get up to.

So there you go.
     You heard it (or rather, I dreamed it) here first, people.
     Watch this space.

Yep.
     =nods=

Alice x

Fun Fact.

Did You Know:
     When heard through our living room wall, the sound of certain high heeled shoes on the pavement in the distance sound just like that coughing-slash-choking sound that cats make just before they throw up?
     Because it does; it sounds exactly like that.

Impressed?
     I was. I was very much impressed.

Mother however, when I pointed this out as she entered the building wearing her posh church shoes, was less so.
     Very much less so,

...Ah well.
     A very merry un-birthday to me,

Alice x