A Conversation Via Text Message.

~~~

.START.

(Scene is set; Alice is walking the dog. MJ is at the Lion Hotel where he both lives and works. MJ decides to send Alice a text message. The following exchange ensues...)

MJ TO ALICE: 
     Hi, how are you both? What have you been up to?

ALICE TO MJ: 
     Hi. Well, Mother is manfully keeping going and crawling towards Saturday. I am allergy ridden and in the throes of a particularly unpleasant example of that special time of the month. We are both utterly exhausted. Tonight we shall be traipsing round and knocking on the doors of at least 35 houses in the name of Christiann Aid. How about you?

MJ TO ALICE:
     Well, so far today we have dealt with two domestics, one drug deal gone bad (arrests made), one nervous breakdown, two broken door locks and yet another guy meandering around with a crowbar.

ALICE TO MJ:
     .....So, business as usual, then.

MJ TO ALICE:
     Yep.

ALICE TO MJ:
     Whee.

MJ TO ALICE:
     Yep.

(Scene ends; with Alice and MJ both going about their business.)

.END.

~~~

Alice x

Ladies At Lunch.

It's time for (yet another) script from the life of Alice Collison, folks!

     Enjoy!

~~~

.START.

(Scene is set; Alice and Kayleigh are enjoying a well deserved lunch in a family pub. Both have ordered the same sandwich: chicken, bacon and cheese melt. With hers, Alice has decided upon chips as her 'free side option'. Kayleigh, the more health conscious of the two, opts for salad. Having finished the sandwiches, the attention of both girls moves onto said side orders and Kayleigh picks up a bottle of salad cream and begins the usual pre-use shaking ritual, causing the following conversation to ensue...)

ALICE: (pointing at the bottle) doesn't that rather defeat the object?
KAYLIGH: (amused, still shaking bottle) no.
ALICE: (doubtfully) are you sure? I thought it was really fattening.
KAYLEIGH: (shakes head, then as Alice raises eyebrows, hesitates) ...well, at least...
ALICE: (shrugs)
KAYLEIGH: ...well... (turns bottle round)
ALICE: (laughs) oh don't read the ingredients for God's sake! Really, don't. Trust me; it never ends well.
KAYLEIGH: (ignores, carries on reading) 
ALICE: (shrugs again, carries on eating chips)
KAYLEIGH: (finishes reading, sighs, bangs bottle on table unused, begins eating salad)
ALICE: (laughs again) bad is it? I did warn you.
KAYLEIGH: (glowers, says nothing)
ALICE: (not-very-sincerely) sorry.
KAYLEIGH: (sighs once more before reverting to her usual, pleasant self) It's OK. Better safe than sorry. That sandwich was fattening enough on it's own, anyway.
ALICE: True. ...(grins as another thought strikes)... I bet you're glad I didn't bring up the salt, aren't you, before you'd added that too.
KAYLEIGH: (rolls eyes) salt isn't fattening.
ALICE: well, yeah, but it isn't all that good for you, either, is it? I mean...
KAYLEIGH: (grumpily interrupting) oh, shut up!

(Scene ends with Alice smiling serenely at Kayleigh as she eats her last chip and Kayleigh, after a moment of pursed lips, smiling - at first ruefully, then properly - in return before digging into her well salted but otherwise plain salad; harmony descending between the pair once more and the 'elephant-in-the-room' otherwise known as pudding remaining unspoken of...)

.END.

~~~

Alice x

I'm In One Of Those Moods Today:

Therefore, much cleaning has been done and (as a terribly unsurprising result) the house looks better now than it has done in weeks.

I even cleaned the inside of the fridge and microwave.
     Truly, they sparkle (if you ignore all the rust).

I didn't deal with the inside of any of the cupboards though.
     I did the outside, but not inside.

That is a job for another day.
      When I am particularly desperate.

.....Or when Hell freezes over.
     .....Yeah, I think that then would be a good time.

Yep.
     =nods=

Alice x

When You Start Talking To The Dog -

- as though he is a fellow human as a matter of course, without any intention of irony or indeed without even really realising you are doing it the majority of the time; is that a sign of being completely and unutterably crazy to a worrying degree?

.....Or is it only a worry if said dog answers back?

If it is the latter; I am fine.

If it is the former; well...I am not.
     At all.

=sighs=

Alice x

Today Has Been A Good Day Thus Far.

So far on this brilliantly lazy day, I have:

* Successfully lain in until 10-AM.
(that is the latest ever, for me, folks)

* Spent a pleasant late morning and early afternoon communing with my Father's spirit.
(on and off, this was, and at the lowest and most basic of levels, but still)

* Broken through the writers' block and actually got a bit of work done.
(some of it editing, but again; still)

* Chatted with a friend
(whom I shall see tomorrow, all being well)

* Relaxed and watched some very funny/interesting episodes of Q.I.
(nothing to add, there, 'cept that t'was fun)

.....And last but not least, I:

* Walked the dog, during which I was not only treated to the usual sight of my dog enjoying himself but also the awesome vision of a heron flying low and doing some quite impressive wind aided aerobatics. And, as if that wasn't enough, as I walked home, I came upon a shiny coin that I thought initially to be an English penny, but found on inspection to be an American cent.
 (so, I am now the proud owner of - a tiny but definite piece of - American currency. Cool!)

.....AND!
     To make matters even better, later on today there is a very real possibility that I will get to eat a (hopefully generous sized slice of) some jolly good cake.
     And there shall (definitely) be whisky.

This Wednesday has been very good indeed.

Alice x

Not Something That I Envisaged Saying When I Got Up This Morning:

ALICE: (confused) What penis? What are they talking about??
.....=pause=.....
ALICE: (enlightenment dawns) ...oh! Yeah, I see; there it is...

Alice x

Say, What?

~~~

Said firmly and emphatically by a frail looking little old lady with flyaway hair, pale powder-blue in colour, as she hobbled past clutching at the arm of her male companion:
     - I tell you, Jefferey, the poison spider STOLE it!

~~~

.....I would dearly, dearly love to have heard more of that conversation.....

Alice x