I'm Too Exhausted To Think, But Feel Like Posting Anyway...

...So, in true Blue Peter style; "Here's Something I Prepared Earlier!"
Enjoy.

BUGGER ME. A TALE OF THREE WOMEN ON A BENCH;

Brought to you By Alice Collison.

~ START ~

{Scene begins with our heroines; Amanda, Mother and Alice, sat on a bench quite high up in Habberly Valley Park. The dogs are having a lie down after an exciting half an hour crashing up and down a steep nearby bank, and Amanda (known as Manda for short), is telling the other two heroines about a trip to town she recently took, whereupon she came across quite an unsavoury young man…}

MANDA: (telling story)…and so there I was, waiting at the cash point, when this man comes up behind me, yelling into his mobile phone. He’s having an argument with whoever it is, and I tell you when, it was every other bloody word: F’ING and BLINDING away at the top of his rotten lungs, and I turn my head a little and see that he’s with this woman and they’ve got two small children with them! Would you ever! Two tiny children; stood by his legs and he’s “FUCKING” this and “FUCKING” that, and I thought ‘bugger me, that’s awful’. No more than five, those kids were, dirty mouthed twat…

MOTHER: (unsuccessfully suppressing a smile) Sorry, tell me what you thought again, Mand?

MANDA: (confused) Well, he was just being such a prat, stood there yelling into his phone, shouting “FUCK” every other word, and with those two kids there, it was just shocking, that’s all…

MOTHER: (grinning and exchanging looks with her equally amused Alice) yeah, but what did you say you thought?

MANDA: (a bit confused and miffed) I thought ‘bugger me’…look, obviously I’ve said something really funny - ?

(Mother and alice start giggling)

MANDA: (a bit more miffed) Look, what have I said?

MOTHER: (wiping away a tear) ohh, Mand. It’s just that you are sat there being all indignant about this man and all his use of the word “fucking”, and your first thought is ‘bugger me’.

MANDA: (still confused) so…?

MOTHER: (tries to stop laughing, but can’t) …‘bugger me’…Oh, it’s priceless…

MANDA: What?? What’s so funny??

ALICE: (taking pity on her) Think about it, Manda. Think. Fuck…Bugger; (spreads hands) what do they have in common?

MANDA: I… (enlightenment dawns) …Oh.

MOTHER: Mm. Oh.

ALICE: (agrees) Oh.

MANDA: (shoulders start shaking) oh…

(all three dissolve into helpless laughter)

MOTHER: (wipes another tear) it’s just so funny! You getting all huffy at a man swearing and thinking ‘bugger me’…

MANDA: (ruefully) Ok, ok, I get it now. (starts laughing again) you are always so MEAN to me!

MOTHER: well, you do ask for it, really.

ALICE: (giggles) oh, I have just GOT to write this down. ‘Bugger me’…

{Scene closes with all three dissolving into helpless laughter once again.}

 ~ END. ~